Neighborhood Christmas



Most of you know either because you've visited or because I've told you that I live in SoCal suburbia. I also live on a cul-de-sac and the neighbors are a fairly close-knit group of people for the most part.



Earlier this week I was informed by two of the neighborhood ladies on separate occasions that the folks next door to me to the left (downhill from me) were throwing a block party on Friday (yesterday) at 6:30. I needed to bring something to eat and they gave me suggestions. So, OK, sure, I'll go to a block party. Halloween was pretty fun; this should be fun, too.



So, I came home from work, stopped off at the grocery store and bought a prepared deli platter of cheeses, nice, fresh bread and another platter of chicken-type food products. I also bought some flowers for the hostess. Heh heh heh. At the appointed time plus about 30 minutes I went over there with my stuff. Everyone was happy to see me (of course!) and we started the fun.



Avi, the host, is a partier. He immediately demanded to know what I wanted to drink, so I had a beer (my normal thing). He then insisted that I drink some of his "moonshine" that was in a plastic Smirnoff bottle. I swear to you guys I could see the plastic melting in front of me while he brandished the bottle and yelled, "You gotta try this! It's GREAT!" I went to get something to eat and when I came back he had poured me a shot glass of this stuff. I could see fumes billowing of the top of the colorless liquid. I took a sip and my throat caught fire. Avi looked at me and said, "The sipping thing won't work, man, you just gotta open up and take it all at once." He was right. So I did that and now not only my throat but my entire gastro-intestinal system was on fire. Avi says, "Oh yeah, one more thing. I really recommend a chaser."



So after a while I was feeling pretty well-lubricated and having eaten a little bit I was ready to go into the living room and see what was transpiring there. Not a moment too soon, because we all began harassing Floyd (the retired sheriff now US Marshall who lives in the cul-de-sac bulge) because he'd not put up any Christmas lights on his house. Ron was the Harassment Coordinator for this topic and I jumped right in after him. My argument was, of course, that if I put up lights then there's no excuse for anyone else. He reply was classic. Classic and easily the funniest moment all night.



He said, "I'm anti-Christ. I don't believe in that stuff." Ron of course jumps on him and tells him it has nothing to do with that and to put some god-damned lights on his house already. I had to go back into the kitchen to prevent myself from almost literally rolling on the floor from laughter (Does anybody remember laughter?). I had another shot of moonshine. It was funny because he said this in front of two other neighbors who are devout Christians and no doubt have a lot of damage control to do whenever they bring their teen-aged daughters to these parties (me with my rock and roll and in the case of this party a LOT of booze, badly behaving adults and an almost continuous stream of sexual innuendo and double entendre.



So then the music started and we all danced around, kids and adults. That was fun.



About 9 PM Ron announced he has fireworks left over from July 4 so he went home to get them (and a butane torch for a lighter.). I strenuously objected due to the illegal nature of fireworks in Oceanside and wanted everyone at the party to clearly understand my stance and to demonstrate my law-and-order mindset. Or maybe I was being overly encouraging. I can't remember; I had been drinking. Did I mention the tequila shot? The kids were all running around with sparklers and it looked like fun so I ran around, too, without one. At some point I seem remember running THROUGH a "safe and sane" (what utter BS) fountain cone thingy as it was blasting out orange and green sparkily things. The adults were unimpressed. But it looked really cool from my vantage point.



Back in the house now and at some point I made the annoucement to Avi that I had his wife in my bedroom earlier in the week. It was perfectly harmless; she and Rhonda had come over to take a look at some of the decorating things I've done (painting the living room and some other stuff. I told her about the bedroom and so she went up to take a look.). Everyone roared with laughter and Rhonda decided she had to get Wes (her husband) in to hear so she fetched him. He heard it and started laughing but then I said, "Yeah, well, guess what. Your's was in there too. And it didn't take much, either. They both just ran right up there!"



Whaa!!!!!! Hilarity ensued.



After a few minutes of more dancing and drinking and eating and yelling Avi decided he wanted to play craps with real money. Fine by me, I'll be happy to take anyone's money no matter how much they might need it. Heh heh heh. So we played for a while and Ron and I were doing pretty well until he and I decided it was mano-a-mano time. He cleaned my clock, the lucky bastard. I eventually managed to win most of it back, but it was fun because we busted Avi's bank and his balls at the same time. It was during this part of the evening that Rhonda decided to sit on my lap and Maggie (Avi's wife) was telling us about how she went to a strip club with Avi. In retrospect I realize I should have paid closer attention to this story.



After about 4 hours of non-stop bad (at best) and out-and-out boorish (at times) behavior by everyone involved (especially by yours truly) the party broke up and I walked the 100 feet back to my house with a bag full of food (thanks, Maggie!) and that buzz one has when one has had a good time with good people (even if they are fireworks scofflaws).



[addendum] Apparently Ron and Patty are hosting the New Year's Eve party. Should I be happy or scared? I guess you'll find out sometime after January 1.