Some of you may not believe this, but I have, in the past and maybe someday in the future, actually been responsible for other people, budget and schedule for product development. As a result of that Apocalyptic situation, I have become very wise in the ways of managing people and so I will pass some of this wisdom on to you. Casting pearls before swine, as it were.
And remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Think about it.
Today's lesson is "The Four Kinds of People."
There are four kinds of people in this world. Yes, there are. Just four. Everyone you knew, know and will possibly know in the future can be categorized into one of these four types. Normally I'd draw this as a matrix but since I can't really do that with this medium we call "the internets" ((c) 2004 George W Bush) I'll just 'splain it to you using "words."
The four kinds of people are:
1) Smart-Smart
b) Smart-Stupid
iii) Stupid-Stupid
4) Stupid-Smart
It breaks down like this: people who are smart and know they are smart are smart-smart, people who are smart but think they are stupid are smart-stupid, people who are stupid and know they are stupid are stupid stupid and people who think they are smart but are actually stupid are, you guessed it, stupid smart.
I claim that of the four types, the first three are desirable. You can get useful work out of all three of those. Smart-Smart types are a handful but they ARE smart after all and you want some smart guys around. Smart-Stupid are the types who you have to encourage and bring along but they always come through for you. Stupid stupid people can also be trusted to execute on their tasks.
It's the stupid-smart types that do all the damage in a group or, God forbid they move up the ladder, to a division or an entire company. As a manager you will spend 75% of your time trying to keep the stupid-smarts from causing anything more than the minimal damage. You want to lay off stupid-smarts even though your upper management thinks you should lay off the stupid-stupids. Good luck with that one. Hell, good luck with all of it.
To help you identify the four types, I'll give some examples. Steve Jobs is a Smart-Smart. So is Bill Gates. Carly Fiorina is stupid-smart. Paris Hilton I'm thinking is a stupid-stupid. Most celebrities, though, are stupid-smart.
I'd like you to look around your office, store, neighborhood and decide who fits into which category.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Thursday, June 9, 2005
Laundramat Encounters
Laudromat Encounters
(Note: This is something I wrote for the amuselment of the folks I hang around with at a politics and culture web discussion board.)
Saturday I had to venture out and do something I hate to do; interact with the public. This is because, as most of you know, I hate people.
This time it was to launder my duvet. I have a large capacity washer that allows me to launder everything else (note to environmental chicks; it's one of those high efficiency washers that uses less water and electricity. Note to Republican chicks; it cost a LOT more than a regular washer). It can handle my king-size sheets easily, but the duvet is just too much.
So, I reluctantly left my heavily fortified hill-top compound, being careful to avoid eye-contact with my neighbors as I left and drove to the local coin laundry, where they have those big giant machines that will do a heavy-duty load for $3.25 (which is 1 Euro dollar or 579025341 Canuckistani rupees).
I was in luck; there were only a few people there when I arrived and none of the big machines (located in the back of the place) were being used. I loaded my duvet into one and then went to one of the side-by-side the change machines, located in the from of the store. Where all the people were.
The first dollar bill (also called a "note" by you Brits, Aussies, Kiwis, South Africans and Canadians) was being a little reluctant in its desire to be shoved into the changer slot; this gave one of the other customers there an opportunity to interact with me.
Crap.
This guy was wearing shorts, a t shirt, a trucker cap and wrap-around "American Chopper" label dark mirrored lens sunglasses. He commented, "Yeah, I hate it when the machine won't take my money."
Fair enough, a reasonable "small talk" type of comment.
"Oh, it'll go in a second..." I responded and sure enough, my "l337 haxor sk1llz" managed to make the bill ("note") get shoved into the machine and four quarters drop out the bottom. Like magic. Fuckin' magic.
So, is that enough for my "American Chopper" shaded friend? No. Not by a long shot. He then proceeded to tell me all about how "pretty soon" we'll all be using credit cards for everything "and the government will be tracking every move we make!" OK, you know what? That's actually a reasonable comment, too and something we all discussed back when the "Real ID" law passed here in the US and everyone was all afraid that having an actual ID to, you know, ID yourself was "bad."
So, I decided to engage this obviously deeply intellekshul individual to see just how far I could take this conversation.
"Yeah, you'll have one card for ID, passport, credit and debit cards."
He lit up. He'd found a kindred soul, someone who had thought about this nearly as much as he had.
"Oh yeah. And then they're gonna put a chip in your neck, man. The Indians (Alan's note: this confused me. The Cleveland Indians?) in Silicon Valley (I lived in Silicon Valley, I don't recall a lot of Native Americans there) are developing a chip that tracks you man. The government's gonna put it in every immigrant and track them and then it'll explode and kill them if they stay too l0ong. They're doing this, man!"
Seriously. That guy actually was saying this to me. I thought, "Dude, you've confused Escape From New York with real life. Who the fuck do you think you are, Snake Pliskin?"
So, I quickly but politely (because Snake Pliskin carried a big assed knife and so maybe this guy did, too) excused myself to go back to my $3.25 (1 Euro dollar or 579025341 Canuckistani rupees) machine and launder my duvet.
Later, I saw my new friend leave; he packed up his laundry and put it in his car - a beat up old compact station wagon emblazoned with "Bush/Cheney 2004" and "W 04" stickers.
So, Bushbots, this guy? He's all yours.
(Note: This is something I wrote for the amuselment of the folks I hang around with at a politics and culture web discussion board.)
Saturday I had to venture out and do something I hate to do; interact with the public. This is because, as most of you know, I hate people.
This time it was to launder my duvet. I have a large capacity washer that allows me to launder everything else (note to environmental chicks; it's one of those high efficiency washers that uses less water and electricity. Note to Republican chicks; it cost a LOT more than a regular washer). It can handle my king-size sheets easily, but the duvet is just too much.
So, I reluctantly left my heavily fortified hill-top compound, being careful to avoid eye-contact with my neighbors as I left and drove to the local coin laundry, where they have those big giant machines that will do a heavy-duty load for $3.25 (which is 1 Euro dollar or 579025341 Canuckistani rupees).
I was in luck; there were only a few people there when I arrived and none of the big machines (located in the back of the place) were being used. I loaded my duvet into one and then went to one of the side-by-side the change machines, located in the from of the store. Where all the people were.
The first dollar bill (also called a "note" by you Brits, Aussies, Kiwis, South Africans and Canadians) was being a little reluctant in its desire to be shoved into the changer slot; this gave one of the other customers there an opportunity to interact with me.
Crap.
This guy was wearing shorts, a t shirt, a trucker cap and wrap-around "American Chopper" label dark mirrored lens sunglasses. He commented, "Yeah, I hate it when the machine won't take my money."
Fair enough, a reasonable "small talk" type of comment.
"Oh, it'll go in a second..." I responded and sure enough, my "l337 haxor sk1llz" managed to make the bill ("note") get shoved into the machine and four quarters drop out the bottom. Like magic. Fuckin' magic.
So, is that enough for my "American Chopper" shaded friend? No. Not by a long shot. He then proceeded to tell me all about how "pretty soon" we'll all be using credit cards for everything "and the government will be tracking every move we make!" OK, you know what? That's actually a reasonable comment, too and something we all discussed back when the "Real ID" law passed here in the US and everyone was all afraid that having an actual ID to, you know, ID yourself was "bad."
So, I decided to engage this obviously deeply intellekshul individual to see just how far I could take this conversation.
"Yeah, you'll have one card for ID, passport, credit and debit cards."
He lit up. He'd found a kindred soul, someone who had thought about this nearly as much as he had.
"Oh yeah. And then they're gonna put a chip in your neck, man. The Indians (Alan's note: this confused me. The Cleveland Indians?) in Silicon Valley (I lived in Silicon Valley, I don't recall a lot of Native Americans there) are developing a chip that tracks you man. The government's gonna put it in every immigrant and track them and then it'll explode and kill them if they stay too l0ong. They're doing this, man!"
Seriously. That guy actually was saying this to me. I thought, "Dude, you've confused Escape From New York with real life. Who the fuck do you think you are, Snake Pliskin?"
So, I quickly but politely (because Snake Pliskin carried a big assed knife and so maybe this guy did, too) excused myself to go back to my $3.25 (1 Euro dollar or 579025341 Canuckistani rupees) machine and launder my duvet.
Later, I saw my new friend leave; he packed up his laundry and put it in his car - a beat up old compact station wagon emblazoned with "Bush/Cheney 2004" and "W 04" stickers.
So, Bushbots, this guy? He's all yours.
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